Reflection.

I haven’t posted in a while mostly because 1. I had nothing to write about and 2. because I figured I don’t have all the information and facts regarding anything I do want to write about.

That left me to write about the only thing I do know; myself.

Now, a lot of people always speak about how many changes we go through as we get older in life, but nobody ever really tells you about what it’s like going through them so I thought I’d do some reflection on my own progression… I believe I started this blog when I was 18, and now I’m 21. I know that’s not really a long period of time, however, it’s a significant period of time. It’s the period in which I feel I changed the most.

You can look back through my posts and get an idea on the type of person I was when I was 18 but the main point for me is that although I was well aware I didn’t know it all, I thought I knew enough. I thought I could speak on anything and everything. I thought I was so enlightened (ha!) and that I could see the world soooo differently compared to the common man (don’t get me wrong, I still think I have a very unique view of this thing we call life but I’m not arrogant about it). When I was 18 I didn’t really get the attraction of life. I mean, I did and will always consider the gift of life to be a blessing but a part of me didn’t understand why people fought so hard for it. I was so consumed by the problems and negatives that came with being alive that I guess I never appreciated the good. Now, at 21, I realise that the reason I felt like that was because I was simply alive but not living. Everyone has a different idea of what constitutes as “living” and back then I guess I was manipulated by a false reality – an idea of life being all roses, $100 bills and sunny beaches. Now I understand that that isn’t the life I live for (although I wouldn’t say no to it). I felt like now and only now, I’m discovering what is important to ME, and not just believing what I have been told to consider important. Of course, money makes the world go around. The Earth is a business however, money is not a commodity I wish to centre my life around. Nor do I want to live for social acceptance, something which I considered the be all and end all at 18. I guess a big part of that is to do with my view of social media. I’m not ashamed to admit that I fell into the trap of social media at 18, and that I became a pawn in a very destructive game. A game that teaches you your worth as an individual is based on the opinions of other people. In hindsight, I was a bloody fool for ever allowing myself to get sucked into it but I don’t regret it because now, I have such a different view of social media and it’s a view that has saved me from going down a self-destructive path. A path I’ve witnessed many people walk down.

In all honesty, I still wouldn’t say I know myself because I’m a firm believer in every experience shaping you and God willing my experiences won’t end now but, all that being said, I am happy to say that I’m content with who I am. I’ve learned so much about myself over the past few years and in order to do that I had to leave my comfort zone. At the end of the day, no matter how much you water a seed planted in concrete, a flower is never going to grow. So many people say they want their life to end (I know that I did at 18) but what they really mean is that they just want the pain to stop. A pain that stems from your environment and although it’s much easier said than done, you are in control. If you don’t like your life, change it. But more importantly, accept that life is about balance. We are only human after all, it’s time we accepted it. It’s time we welcomed the good and the bad with open arms as one simply cannot exist without the other.

That’s what I would say is the biggest difference between the me at 21 and the me at 18; that I’ve made my peace with the fact that you need bad days to match the good. As 50 Cent once said, “Sunny days wouldn’t be special if it wasn’t for rain”.

Coordinates.

I used to ask myself the question; why do people confide in strangers? I mean they have their friends and their family so why do they pour their deepest darkest secrets out online to people that 1) they don’t know and that 2) don’t really care? After reviewing the question over and over in my head the only logical explanation and conclusion that I can come to is that we people find solace in strangers.

Strange huh.

Now I myself don’t and will never confide in those that I don’t know personally OR plan to meet simply because I don’t believe it to be very wise to make yourself vulnerable to the ‘public’. Also, I’m very reserved about these things purely because I like my business to only concern those involved [DISCLAIMER: I don’t have trust issues I’m just cautious with whom I trust as everyone should be]. Having said that, I can totally understand why some people do do it. Take my blog for example; I have a platform on which I can say anything and everything so if I really wanted to spill a plethora of my most suppressed thoughts/experiences I could without the fear of those that know me best judging me because of it. Naturally anyone that reads these secrets will form some sort of opinion whether that be positive or negative but from my own personal experience the judgement of a stranger doesn’t exactly equate to much – a stranger judging you and somebody you’re close to judging you are two COMPLETELY different things. The former shouldn’t affect you as much as the latter because you don’t have any attachment or obligations to the individual so in theory, you shouldn’t care for their opinion because you’re not under any pressure to please them and that, that right there is the problem with our relationships as humans; we only ever want to please our loved ones and make them proud and this in turn forces us to have this façade that everything is hunky-dory 100% of the time when in reality, our entire world could be crushing around us.

Furthermore, if you take your average everyday friendship it isn’t exactly formed on the basis that you already know the ins and outs of one another, that all comes with time which is the total opposite to e-friendships as most of the people that ‘meet’ on-line will have read constant updates (which are essentially the individuals thoughts) daily before they actually meet said individual which allows their friendship to establish on a deeper level as they already have some insight to the inner workings on one another’s mind.

The reason I entitled this post coordinates is because I think the biggest factor which determines whether or not someone will open up or confide in you is the distance element because when you think about it; if you yourself felt that you could finally get everything you’ve built up and held inside of you for so long off your chest with someone that is more than happy to listen without the fear of probably ever bumping into them would you? Imagine the relief that would come with it…

I myself converse with individuals all over the globe who tell me their problems like we’ve been best friends for years and as much as I want to believe it’s my great advice they’re in search of a part of me thinks they’d be willing to tell anyone that was thousands of miles away and happy to listen.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, we’re all in search of someone that is as fucked up as we are.

The social experiment.

It’s odd; everyone started on social networking with the same status – no followers/friends.

A blank platform.

Something which requires you to work your way up.

Social networking could be exactly what we wanted it to be, it is what we make it but what exactly did we make it? An online playground?

If you look online today you will see that the majority of people have just conformed to the norms which are already placed in society; those with the most followers/views/friends are ranked most important, the more attractive ones of the bunch are taken more seriously than the rest and the most important one of them all; the hierarchy and segregation of racial groups.

It’s all good and well to say that it’s 2013 and racism shouldn’t exist anymore but how so when it’s more alive than ever on these social networks that we all love so much? I mean I won’t get in to the whole fighting racism for racism malarky but let’s remember, these aren’t groups that people have been put in against their will, they are what they THEMSELVES have chosen to be in.

“Asian/white/black twitter” – why the hell does it matter? Your race doesn’t affect the quality of your opinion or reflect your IQ so why is it relevant? It’s not but all this just goes to show that we’re incapable of being in control. We need people to tell us what to do and how to live. I mean, we complain we don’t have any power but when we’re given the opportunity to create something for ourselves what do we do? We automatically divide ourselves into the sheep and the Shepards. It’s as though we have simply mimicked playground behaviour straight onto this ‘online world’. Bullies are loved and applauded. Insecure people are harassed and abused. We had the ability to change these norms be we didn’t, we conformed to them.

Ha.

Useless humans.

“Just turn off the damn computer”.

Following recent events regarding a poor girl taking her life due to receiving countless abuse online I thought it only right that I share my own view on *drum-roll* cyber bullying.

Now from what I’ve witnessed the most popular view surrounding this topic seems to be that cyber bulling is stupid. Yup, stupid. Ha.

This is actually really upsetting when you think about it like sorry but, who raised you? How can you be legally classed as an adult and possess such a narrow-minded and disgustingly ignorant mindset? *moment of silence for the future generation*. Seriously though, if I had a pound for every time I’ve read “she should’ve just logged off” the past week I’d probably only have £30 but that’s not the point. The point is DON’T BE SO INSENSITIVE.

I must admit that once upon a time I was one of these people, I would read about cyber bulling and chuckle to myself because of how silly it sounds but then I grew up, something a lot of people evidently are yet to do.

You see, it’s VERY easy to say what you’d do in a situation you’ve never been in. A lot of us are almost fortunate that we ourselves have been through multiple situations in life which have forced us to thicken our skin and deal with the shit that is humanity and I believe that this is partially the reason why so many of you find it hard to sympathise with the topic in discussion. You come online, say what we want potentially suffering the odd insult from someone in the pursuit of retweets and then close your app and carry on with your day – to comprehend actually harming yourself due to any abuse received is like asking Susan Boyle to imagine losing her virginity, insane. But what you need to realise however, is that people use the internet as a platform on which they can finally be themselves (even though some use it to become somebody completely different but crack on) and the majority of us use it as a place we can escape ‘reality’. Now put yourself in the scenario where you’re an individual that is suffering endless problems in your everyday life and the only place you can get away from these issues is online. Now imagine even the online world is turning against you… How would that make you feel to receive abuse from people that don’t even know you? Yeah, you could say why does it matter? They’re strangers and that you shouldn’t care about their opinion but in a way doesn’t them being strangers make it worse… People that have the opportunity to get to know you but choose not to using the minimal information you have shared with them as a basis for their decision… Come on, you can’t pretend that would be easy to ignore.

Personally, I don’t think cyber bullying should push someone to the point where they feel the need to take their own life but I can understand why they do it. Of course some will say that pain is temporary and that you should always focus on the positives which is great advice but how many us actually remember that when we’re feeling at our worst? Ever been that upset/angry that you’ve sent a text or done a Marvin’s Room call then 20 minutes later asked yourself why the hell you did that? Well, that’s kind of what suicide is, an act on impulse except with this one you have no chance to make amends.

Instead of acting as though there isn’t an issue to be addressed by writing it off as ‘stupid’ how about we try to prevent such incidents from happening in the future because I’d hate for it to have to happen to someone close to home in order for you people to finally understand.

(Don’t let the ‘cyber’ in front of the ‘bullying’ distract you from the seriousness of the issue.)

Modern day romance.

Forget your Prince Charming’s and your knights in shining armour and think more the one that will put your twitter @ in his bio…

It’s the 21st century and about time people put down these fairytale novels that are doing what can only be described as selling them dreams; you’re not going to meet a Romeo that will drink poison for you, you’d be lucky to find a Richard that buys you a drink. My point is things are different now and though the hopeless romantic is still more than alive in some, unfortunately it’s dead and buried amongst the whole. Sorry girls.

My point of this post however isn’t to direct you on how to date or find ‘the one’, it’s more to do with the modern form of communication between blossoming young love; sexting. That’s right, SEXTING. Taboo topic? Perhaps but it happens every day and ey, you’re the one that’s continuing to read.

sexting

sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.

I’ve already written a post in regards to my views on the whole meeting people online thing (http://wp.me/p2Uda0-aY) so I guess you could say this is a follow up post because if you meet somebody online the next stage is usually the exchange of numbers. So you’ll text and flirt and maybe speak on the phone and then flirt a bit more. I think that’s how it goes.

Now, there’s a BIG difference between sexting and flirting (yes the caps were for emphasis). Flirting is something that the majority of people, including myself do just to pass the time. Flirting is fun, harmless and innocent so long as you ensure you’re not misleading anyone to think you’re genuinely interested in them. Sexting on the other hand is as it states in the definition, explicit. I honestly think that the whole sexting topic is taken far too seriously by people and regardless of your gender I don’t believe you should be judged for sending such messages or images. This isn’t primary school, I’d like to think I’m more mature than that. Obviously if you’ve got someone that makes this behaviour a regular habit then you need to tell them to check themselves but on the whole people usually only conduct such behaviour with those they fully trust and want to pursue something with so why should they be judged? This even includes those who are unfortunate enough to have said messages/images leaked online; they sent them in confidence, not with the intention for everyone to see them. Get over it.

I will say this though, be careful who you choose as your participant for such conversations because not everybody has a good heart and you never know how many eyes will view the content you send. Also, NEVER let yourself feel pressured into sending anything you don’t want to because you might just regret it.

Virtual reality.

How comfortable would you be telling your friends and family that you met your partner online?

Well personally I don’t see anything wrong with meeting people you stumbled upon online (Facebook and Twitter are the only sites I deem acceptable though, Tagged etc are full of creeps who probably want to slash you into a steak pie and make love to your corpse). Through social media you can fall in love with peoples personality, you get to read their thoughts on a daily basis. If you meet somebody out there’s all that ice-breaking which needs to take place first which is daunting in itself, once you’ve done that you need to attempt to exchange numbers and if you’re successful there’s all those exchanges in slightly awkward conversation which need to take place. Online you can simply break the ice by hitting the follow button or LOLing at a tweet. Also, if the person who approached you did succeed in getting your number then anything they say to you from there on out is purely just to impress you, online that doesn’t happen because anything they post is general and not just for your benefit. You can learn a lot about somebody through their posts; you find out their likes, dislikes, the topics which make them tick and you get an insight into how they spend their free time. Brilliant. I mean social networking sites allow you to gather information about someone in a matter of days all while you carry about your day-to-day business so why wouldn’t you be comfortable enough to say you met your partner online? This is the 21st century after all I mean it’d be more embarrassing telling them you’re #TeamFollowBack.

It’s not everyday you come across people who are so similar to yourself, people who share your humour/interests/tastes etc especially not in person (mainly because deep down we’re all kind of weird in our own way and that isn’t publicly acceptable yet) so when you come across that person online who just gets you it’s kind of refreshing and naturally you want to get to know them, inside and out which is taken literally for some.

Now I’m not saying you should go and meet every Tom, Dick and Cedric you come across on the internet because we all read the news (well not all of us some unfortunately care more about what’s going on in Joey Essex’s life than current affairs but they’re a lost cause so I’ll continue) so we know what kind of psychos are out there so if you are going to meet somebody, be careful. Make sure the person you’re meeting is who they say they are and the best way to check that is a simple video call. My man wants to pretend he doesn’t have a camera? *smells a catfish* it’s 2013 there’s five year olds with iPhones out there, COME ONNNNN!! Once you’ve crossed that hurdle it’s pretty much alright, obviously take all the normal precautions I mean I’m trusting your judgment here guys, please keep your wits about you and don’t let me see your names in a headline.

Anyway… I like the idea of getting to know someone 140 characters at a time and it’s almost ideal for those who are too busy to socialise with their daily grind so all in all, I think this meeting people you ‘met’ online business is pretty cool 🙂