I haven’t posted in a while mostly because 1. I had nothing to write about and 2. because I figured I don’t have all the information and facts regarding anything I do want to write about.
That left me to write about the only thing I do know; myself.
Now, a lot of people always speak about how many changes we go through as we get older in life, but nobody ever really tells you about what it’s like going through them so I thought I’d do some reflection on my own progression… I believe I started this blog when I was 18, and now I’m 21. I know that’s not really a long period of time, however, it’s a significant period of time. It’s the period in which I feel I changed the most.
You can look back through my posts and get an idea on the type of person I was when I was 18 but the main point for me is that although I was well aware I didn’t know it all, I thought I knew enough. I thought I could speak on anything and everything. I thought I was so enlightened (ha!) and that I could see the world soooo differently compared to the common man (don’t get me wrong, I still think I have a very unique view of this thing we call life but I’m not arrogant about it). When I was 18 I didn’t really get the attraction of life. I mean, I did and will always consider the gift of life to be a blessing but a part of me didn’t understand why people fought so hard for it. I was so consumed by the problems and negatives that came with being alive that I guess I never appreciated the good. Now, at 21, I realise that the reason I felt like that was because I was simply alive but not living. Everyone has a different idea of what constitutes as “living” and back then I guess I was manipulated by a false reality – an idea of life being all roses, $100 bills and sunny beaches. Now I understand that that isn’t the life I live for (although I wouldn’t say no to it). I felt like now and only now, I’m discovering what is important to ME, and not just believing what I have been told to consider important. Of course, money makes the world go around. The Earth is a business however, money is not a commodity I wish to centre my life around. Nor do I want to live for social acceptance, something which I considered the be all and end all at 18. I guess a big part of that is to do with my view of social media. I’m not ashamed to admit that I fell into the trap of social media at 18, and that I became a pawn in a very destructive game. A game that teaches you your worth as an individual is based on the opinions of other people. In hindsight, I was a bloody fool for ever allowing myself to get sucked into it but I don’t regret it because now, I have such a different view of social media and it’s a view that has saved me from going down a self-destructive path. A path I’ve witnessed many people walk down.
In all honesty, I still wouldn’t say I know myself because I’m a firm believer in every experience shaping you and God willing my experiences won’t end now but, all that being said, I am happy to say that I’m content with who I am. I’ve learned so much about myself over the past few years and in order to do that I had to leave my comfort zone. At the end of the day, no matter how much you water a seed planted in concrete, a flower is never going to grow. So many people say they want their life to end (I know that I did at 18) but what they really mean is that they just want the pain to stop. A pain that stems from your environment and although it’s much easier said than done, you are in control. If you don’t like your life, change it. But more importantly, accept that life is about balance. We are only human after all, it’s time we accepted it. It’s time we welcomed the good and the bad with open arms as one simply cannot exist without the other.
That’s what I would say is the biggest difference between the me at 21 and the me at 18; that I’ve made my peace with the fact that you need bad days to match the good. As 50 Cent once said, “Sunny days wouldn’t be special if it wasn’t for rain”.
thoughtsofsandy.wordpress.com 